Tuesday, September 05, 2006

"Don't Spoil the Movie..."

By Cassandra D

"...by adding your own soundtrack."

So goes the admonishment by AMC Theatres prior to every movie, right after they give you surround-sound reminders of annoying noises, such as cell phones ringing, babies crying, and people gabbing. Conspicuously absent (for obvious financial reasons) from their selection of examples are the sounds of people digging through popcorn bags and chomping on handfuls, and the shaking and swilling sounds of colas being consumed.

Unlike Chase, I don't get to go out to the movies that often these days. I did manage to hit the theater this weekend, though, to see The Illusionist. The movie itself wasn't so great, but I went primarily for the theater-going experience, anyway. Perhaps it was because the movie was kind of quiet, or because I am out of practice in being part of the audience, but my theater row-mate's popcorn consumption was making me nauseated. Fingernails-on-a-chalkboard irritated.

I was left with no alternative but to chomp popcorn myself, to drown him out. Ah, the sacrifices one must make to enjoy a movie in the theater these days!


At 12:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you think when you hear the the crack of a can of contraband? I wonder about those shameless people who sneak in sodas... or worse.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger Conrad Spencer said...

That would be the sound of someone stickin' it to the man. In a rather lame, sugary, passive-aggressive sort of way.

At 2:40 PM, Blogger Daniel Gale-Grogen said...

The worst is when you hear the distinctive roll of a glass bottle. That's when you know the special advance screening of "Little Man" is not going well at all.

At 3:32 PM, Anonymous flamewhore said...

I've only heard glass bottles rolling during the midnight showing of "Pink Floyd The Wall" .

At 7:50 PM, Blogger RedDirt said...

I'll confess to being one of those people who sneaks contraband snacks into a movie. I'm a complete cheapskate, and I find the cost of "concessions" at theaters to be akin to visiting some foreign country where everything costs nine times what it does here in the United States: "Four dollars. That's what Sweet Tarts cost here in AMClandia. Call it an excise tax if you like." I attended a lecture by a certain "movie guru" during which he said Hollywood is interested in "renting seats and selling sugar," so I decided to subvert part of that process. I feel that I'm paying enough to rent the seat. I feel absolutely no shame, and I avoid having a visit to the movies approach the cost of a choice cut of meat at Boulevard Steakhouse.


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