Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Michael Jackson, Doppelganger

Business is good these days for 27-year-old Edward Moss, whose resemblance to Michael Jackson (poor guy) has made for a pretty comfortable career.

But now, thanks to Jacko's predilection for slumber parties and the extravagant tastes of the E! Entertainment Television, Moss can become a nightly boob-tube fixture. E! is kicking off its re-enactments of the Jacko trial this evening with Moss in the largely silent, but central, role of the boy who never grew up, but apparently groped up.

"After 10 years of doing this, it's become like my right hand," Moss told The New York Times, presumably talking about his impersonation of Jackson. Although Jacko's right hand is typically gloved, we assume Moss didn't intend any hidden meaning.

The Times' piece on Moss is particularly edifying, presenting us with a real modern-day Horatio Alger story:

"Mr. Moss got his start in 1996 while working at a McDonald's in Southern California. 'They were having a costume contest at my job and the prize was $200 and I thought, O.K., I'm going to try and win this,' he said.

"He bought a $12.99 wig, donned gray jeans and applied face paint he made out of baby powder. 'It was kind of scary,' Mr. Moss said. 'But it worked and I was $200 richer at the end of the day.'

"Sensing he was onto something, Mr. Moss ... took his act on the road, well, actually, down the road, to Mr. Jackson's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. There Mr. Moss would perform with little more than a boombox and a well-placed hat for tips. The tourists ate it up. 'I would walk away from there in an hour with $100 to $200,' he said. 'I thought if they want me this bad, this is something that I should really get into.'

And thus a star was born, with Moss graduating from street performance to the Hollywood Wax Museum and, ultimately, Scary Movie 3.

The Times goes on:

"After a decade of crotch grabbing and nonsensical phrases like 'shamone,' Mr. Moss says he is eager to branch out into film and television roles that do not call for a Jackson lookalike. 'I would love to get away from the Michael Jackson thing,' he said, a hint of exasperation in his voice. 'I'm an actor. I have so much more to offer.'

"In the meantime, he would love nothing more than to banish Mr. Jackson's famed paternity song, 'Billie Jean.'"

Boy, he ain't the only one.

"He sighed heavily. 'It's not that I hate the song. I'm just over it. If I could go a week without hearing 'Billie Jean,' I would be happy."

Yes, earning a paycheck from pretending to be a specific celebrity certainly has its drawbacks. At least Edward hasn't had to make a living as, say, a crack whore. In the meantime, however, the child molestation charges against the King of Perps mean these are the salad days for Edward Moss.

As for Michael Jackson, this all just might be the start of the tossed salad days.

One final bit of fun: Help get Michael ready for his day in court.


At 8:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So do you think he’s guilty? I’m guessing he’s asexual, since I just assume he had his genitalia removed several surgeries ago.
Do you think he’ll be convicted? I predict he’ll be released, but will vow to find the real molester.
And of course, the highlight of the trial will be when the prosecution has Jacko try on the semen-stained, sequenced (sp?) glove.

At 9:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This may sound crazy but I don't believe he ever molested any children. I do, however, think that his immaturity and belief that sharing a bed with young boys is weird and unacceptable, even though I believe he views himself as a child as well. He's not, and should conduct himself accordingly. But then he is a freak.

I predict that he will be acquitted because of his adept legal team and the way they will skewer that gold digging trashy mother. She will not be able to overcome her past and the jury will hate her.

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