Reality Jailbird

The big steel prison gates clang open and the inmate -- a swirl of emotions; excited, nervous, fearful -- takes those first few tentative steps into the harsh sunlight.

It is the awkward re-acquaintance of freedom. The inmate reflects on no more hours spent sitting half-catatonic in a cell, only to stare blankly at roaches scuttling across cold concrete floors. No more inevitable gangfights in the prison yard. No more ink-black nights as someone's bitch, all for the sake of an extra slice of grapefruit and pack of Kools. Here, outside prison walls, it is all secondary to the immediate concern: What now?

And .... "Action!"

When does it pay to be an ex-con? When you're Martha Stewart, of course. Reality-TV guru Mark Burnett has finalized plans to bring federal inmate No. 55170-054 back to daytime television this fall once she fulfills her sentence for obstruction of justice.

"Many people believe she got a 'raw deal,' " Burnett told reporters in making the announcement (ooh, "Martha Stewart's Raw Deal" -- not a bad show title!). " America loves comeback stories."

Personally, we think Burnett is missing out by waiting until No. 55170-054 is out of the slammer to bring her to the small screen. A women's prison promises all sorts of dramatic possibilities. Remember "Chicago"? All that singing and dancing? It would be positively fabulous.