Sex Tape Derby, Round 32
Happy Thursday, rugrats, and welcome to another installment of Sex Tape Derby, where you -- yes, you -- get to select who you'd rather watch get their freak on and rocks off in one o' them new-fangled sex videos.
Post your selections in the comments section below. If you still don't know what the hell I'm talking about, click here for a more drawn-out explanation.
1. Estella Warren or Michelle Monaghan?
2. Libs do it: Al Franken or Keith Olbermann?
3. I love the '90s: Lauren Holly or Daphne Zuniga?
4. A different kind of "Man Show": Adam Carolla or Jimmy Kimmel?
5. Make 'em laugh: Sarah Silverman or Larry David's make-believe squeeze Cheryl Hines?
6. Mouthpieces need love, too: Scott McClellan or Ari Fleischer?
posted by Chase McInerney @ 7:02 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
OK. Let's see if we can put out that fire in Chase's pants early, today.
1. Generally, I'd go with Estella, except that the picture you chose looks like she was attacked by a forest. I'll go Monagham, but let's be clear -- I have no idea who the hell these people are. Let's go back to using people some of us know.
2. Christ -- well, since I only like cunnilingus in person and not on tape, I'll stay away from Al "The Fuzzy-Headed, Fuzz-Nuzzling Liberal" and stick with Olbermann. And anyway, who wouldn't like to hear his droll observations about how a woman sucking him off might as well not try unless she's going to jiggle the balls?
3. Yikes. Well, generally speaking, the better the actress, the worse the porn star. They always want to "act" sexy instead of just being sexy. So I'll give it to "Turbulence 2" star, Holly. (That's what she said. A-thank-yew.)
4. Let's go with the one that seems most humanoid and take Carolla. Kimmel would probably just stage his "love session" between his sad, stale impressions of Karl Malone and Oprah Winfrey.
5. Cheryl's not bad, but anybody who isn't madly in love with Sarah Silverman is definitely not me. But I am me, so I know that, much like Jesus, Sarah is magic. And, sweet lord, do I want to know where she's pulling that string of hankerchiefs from.
6. Uh...yeah. I don't think I can choose, considering how we've all been forced to watch both these "men" fuck America with their mouths.
Now that is a disturbing selection.
Kimmel's tape would get the pub, but those "in the know" would select the infinitely more entertaining Carolla. Besides, who wouldn’t want to see a Carolla tape that included a voyeuristic Dr. Drew encouraging everyone to either “communicate” or “see a doctor”? Kimmel’s halftime shtick on MNF totally sucks.
I do indeed find Sarah delicious, which worries me because I didn’t think I was Pants. Lord knows I don’t want to plumb in rural Kansas.
And as we know from her appearance on the Pamela Anderson roast, Sarah is one filthy filly.
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