Sex Tape Derby, Round 31
In the words of Aristophanes, the premise of Sex Tape Derby is this: If you absolutely have to watch someone in the throes of the nastiest, seizure-inducing sex imaginable, whom would you rather be the star of the show?
Post your selections in the comments section. Remember, if you don't, you let the terrorists win.
For the comprehension-challenged, click here for more.
1. Bubblelicious: Kelly Clarkson or Avril Lavigne?
2. Mark Ruffalo or Elijah Wood?
3. Sporting a Woody: Old school Diane Keaton or old school Mia Farrow?
4. Out of the joint and ready for love: Robert Downey or Nick Nolte?
5. Claire Danes or Sarah Polley?
6. Two love: Andre Agassi or Pete Sampras?
posted by Chase McInerney @ 10:27 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
1. As much as I hate the manufactured music both make, I'll go with Kelly Clarkson. She's wholesome, takes direction well and will, apparently, suck dick for a job. Avril? Well, if I wanted to see a sex tape featuring a 10-year-old boy, I'd just get ready for jail.
2. Ruffalo's got the right indy cred to pull the hot film school chicks. As I understand, Elijah might only get Wood for somebody like Mark.
3. Wow -- you'd think they'd be hotter old schoolers, but no. I'll go with Keaton, just because you know it was Robert Evans who taped her in a threeway with Loretta Swit, who had a bush you could hide a VCR in.
4. Downey's tape would be more arousing, what with him being halfway attractive, but for pure entertainment, watching Nolte drunk his way through a room of frightened prostitutes is top of the heap. Hell, it might even bring on a sitcom.
5. I love Sarah Polley. Love her. But Claire is hotter. As long as it's not with Steve Martin, I go with Danes and her So-Called Sex Tape.
6. Hmmm. I'll go Borg.
I’ll admit it – if I was 13 when Avril first hit the scene, I would have wanted to be her Sk8er Boi. “Dude, she’s totally hot and she doesn’t take any crap. She’s REAL, man!”
How can you pass up adorable Annie Hall, even when you know she’ll become bored halfway through if she isn’t fed a relaxing doobie? She can boil my lobster any day.
The only thing more unattractive than Mia’s hair is her eternally dour disposition. And her depressing wardrobe. Ironic that it was Diane in Reds instead of Mia – Mia always looks like a Commie.
“Nick at Nite.” Yeah, I’d tune it. Maybe CBS could air it after “Two and a Half Men.”
Sampras would have record-breaking sex, but it would still put you to sleep.
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