Lord of the Quiznos

If this isn't fodder for a teen-oriented comedy, I don't know what is. In Seattle, a Quiznos Sub shop remained open for several months after the owners just upped and disappeared, leaving a lovable band of acne-faced ragtags (Ok, so I'm embellishing a bit; so sue me) to keep the beleaguered eatery afloat.

The Seattle Times chronicles the Lord of the Flies-meets-Rosemary Parmesan bread tale. At the story's heart is scrappy 25-year-old Dawna Lentz. With nowhere else to go ...

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"I've got nowhere else to go!" our gutsy gal wails, a la An Officer and Gentleman's Richard Gere, tears streaming down Dawna's condiment-soaked cheeks as she faces her befuddled betrothed outside the store in the cold Seattle rain, the neon-framed windows of Quiznos revealing the comforting splash of Formica countertops and chrome piping that wait inside, as inviting as a pre-heated oven.

The Seattle Times reports:

"'Due to bad owners we are out of a lot of things, please do not get mad at the employees & manager,' explained the cardboard sign on the door. Inside, the dessert section was empty, the chip shelves were mostly bare (except for jalapeño chips) and the soda machine was fringed with little white 'out of order' signs (except for Vanilla Coke)."

For the past several weeks, Lentz had sharpened the bows and arrows, taken stock of the perishable items and kept the place running -- even after the weak-kneed and weak-minded skipped off for lesser jobs that could afford more luxury items like payroll departments and running water.

But Lentz persevered, purchasing lunchmeat at groceries, using money from the previous night's till at the cash register. She bought Quiznos bread from other, more conventionally operated franchise stores and rationed out the amount, knowing she had to preserve every crumb of Quiznos Gold if her dream -- a rubberless Quiznos -- was going to survive in the Emerald City.

"'I've been called stupid, incompetent,' Lentz said.

"So she posted signs on the door listing the items they'd run out of. When the list reached three pages, she replaced it with the catch-all apology and plea for mercy.

"On Tuesday, customers offered more sympathy than complaints.

"'You're doing good for what you have to work with,' said one, pouring some of the water out of her cup to avoid spilling. The store had run out of lids.

"After being contacted by reporters, Quiznos representatives inspected the Seattle shop and removed Lentz's handmade signs. Yesterday, the company replenished the food supply and brought in support staff.

"Lentz and others were paid the wages they were due, Quiznos spokeswoman Stacie Lange said yesterday. Lange added that the store is being transferred to new owners."

"Lentz worried that she'd lose her job over the mess. But so far she's still the store manager, although now she's prohibited from talking to the media."

If Lentz or her ragtag assortment of sandwich craftsmen are let go by Quiznos, there will be some serious ass-kicking to go on in Seattle.

Let's start working on the protest chants now: Free Daw Na Lentz! Free Daw Na Lentz! Quizno? Hell, no! Quizno? Hell, no!

Note to casting director: We see Jena Malone as Dawna Lentz, Jeff Garlin as the former Quiznos owner who skips out on the swell bunch 0' kids and Seann William Scott as Stifler.