Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The TV Movie Version -- Season One

Fans of Sex Tape Derby can paddle languidly in the warm pools of a new time waster. In this new participatory posting, we ask "Cutting To the Chase" visitors to consider a recent news story, and then decide who plays the lead characters in the "TV Movie Version."

This week's entry centers on last weekend's Indianapolis 500 race. Of course, no one knows or cares who won the damn thing, but they certainly know who came in 4th -- 23-year-old Danica Patrick became the first woman to lead in the race. Fuel problems prevented Patrick from winning outright, but she won the PR race, anyway.

So, who plays Danica Patrick? As Fox Sports noted online, we're also wondering about the sudden departure of her pit boss, Keithica Olbermann, but we digress. Imagine Spelling Entertainment revving up a Lifetime movie based on Patrick's life, and who the sleazy old king of nighttime soaps would peg to play her. Would it be:

a) Jordana Brewster of "The Fast and the Furious"?
b) Jennifer Love Hewitt of "Garfield: the Movie"?
c) Jill Hennessy of "Law & Order"/"Crossing Jordan"?
d) Tanya Memme of A&E's "Sell This House"" or
e) Someone else, and if so, whom?

Be creative, tell us why you like your choice, and don't just wait until a lapse in your workday schedule -- do it now! This could be the start of a new and favorite way to act like you're working.


At 3:00 PM, Anonymous Culturally Clueless said...

I have no idea, Greg, as I had never heard of any of the contenders before reading your post. However, I must admit that I am impressed at the passing resemblance they all have to Miss Danica.

At 3:40 PM, Anonymous Jackie Stewart said...

A somewhat-sports-related post on Chase? This collaboration thing is taking us in crazy directions.

First impulse says Hewitt, but she’s been around forever. This role requires someone fresher and much younger than 23 – if you’ve heard one of Danica’s interviews, you understand why.

I’m going with Kim Possible:
1)She’s tasty (and they can always dye her hair)
2)She’s an animated teen from Disney, so she has a boundless, spunky (yet innocent)energy
3)As a spy, she’s very comfortable operating vehicles at 240 mph

At 4:02 PM, Blogger Dr. Pants said...

When I first saw the actual girl, I though she looked like Hennessy, but Jill seems a bit old for the job.

So, my choice is either throw c) in a time machine and put her in a flame-retardant body suit or

e) let Danica play Danica. You know she doesn't like fucking racing -- she's a girl. This is all a ploy to get into acting. And what role could she more naturally play (not counting coquettish sex slave) than herself (and let's not pretend she's isn't somebody's coquettish sex slave right now).

The answer to the question you meant to ask is yes, I would like to have sex with all of them, including Kim Possible. Something about a grappling hook gets me all frisky.

At 11:27 AM, Anonymous Robert Scatologgia said...

Okay, so if it's a more high-profile teen-oriented TV movie for Fox or the WB, I'd bet on Rachel Bilson of "The O.C." or Kristin Kreuk of "Smallville." If it's a low-rent ColostoVision production for Lifetime or Oxygen, I'd choose the girl with the perfect name for the job: Danica McKellar -- Winnie Cooper from "The Wonder Years."


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