Sex Tape Derby, Round 29
Happy Thursday, people. It's another Thursday and that means another Sex Tape Derby (well, it also means another Thursday, but that seems fairly obvious).
Surely by now you understand the idea of this thing, so let's just cut to the chase (hey! what a great name for a blog!) and post your selections in the comments section. Or not. See if I care.
And in case you are itching for a lengthy explanation of what this is all about, click here or forever hold your, um, peace.
1. Answer the question, Claire! Ally Sheedy or Molly Ringwald?
2. Computer love: Bill Gates or Steve Jobs?
3. Kirsten Dunst or Mena Suvari?
4. Old school Mickey Rourke or old school Kurt Russell?
5. Liz Phair or Sheryl Crow?
6. Muppet strumpets: Kermit the Frog or Fozzie Bear?
posted by Chase McInerney @ 7:55 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
1-Ringwald. Once Sheedy played a Steve Guttenberg love interest, it was all over for her
2-Jobs, because there are so many great sexual "jobs"
3-Dunst, Suvari is forever attached to the idea of jailbait
4-Russel only if he talks like Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China
5-Phair, Crow is the ugliest "woman everybody thinks is hot but really isn't that hot"
6-Isn't the Kermit/Miss Piggy sex tape already out?
1. Well, it has to be Molly, because if you grew up at all in or adjacent to the 80s, she was the hot high school girl you were required to want to bone. And watching her get it on with Judd Nelson might wash the disgusting taste of "Suddenly Susan" out of my mouth.
2. Steve has the money and (kind of) the looks. Sure, Bill is richer, but Jobs is more stylish. You know he's got some sort of compact-but-powerful iDick in there. With Gates, sure, it's big and comes in a black case, but half the time it freezes up and gives the girl a blue screen, right when she's close to defragging her hard drive.
3. If I want to see an actress in a porno movie, Dunst. If I want to screen a porno movie on an actress' forehead, Suvari.
4. At least Rourke had acting ability at some point in his life. An early Russel tape would invariably be made by Disney and co-star a monkey.
5. Holy God Liz Phair. She has remained hot longer than any indie rock chick has the right to. Crow, on the other hand, has become Lance Armstrong's new cancer.
6. Fozzie. Come on -- everybody needs to see the sad sack loser get it at least once. Especially if it's from the big-lipped hippie chick from Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Band.
I’m surprised that others went with Molly. I thought John Hughes was the only person who found her attractive.
Jobs would design some bizarre sexual position that none of us dreamt of (or asked for, or wanted). He’d then spend the rest of the tape trying to convince us that we’d love it.
When did jailbait become a bad idea for porn?
Since Pants went with the obvious Russell reference, guess I have to make the obvious 9 ½ Weeks reference.
I’ve soured a bit on both gals, but at least Liz is still willing to do the occasional FHM spread.
“Waakka, waakka, WAAAAAKKKKA!”
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