Ramblings on politics, film, music, literature, current events, pop culture, lists, dirty words, trapezoids, birds, cartoons and any other damned thing that strikes my synapses. A 39ish-year-old freelance journalist and writer living with his wife and baby daughter in the hardscrabble environs of Oklahoma, Chase McInerney now spends much of his time frozen in stark, cold sweat-inducing, gut-percolating fear. For it will be soon ... yes, very, very soon.
Happy Thursday, everybody, and welcome to another edition of Sex Tape Derby. You know the rules: When you absolutely, positively have to get your freak on, via the magic of a homemade sex videotape or DVD, who would get top billing? Post your selections in the comments section below.
posted by Chase McInerney @ 5:56 AM
7 comments
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7 Comments:
1. Denise Richards. She's plenty hot, but what wins over Heather is that she's looked like she was old since "T.J. Hooker."
Plus, I think if she touched Morgan Fairchild, they'd both explode, like that scene in "Timecop."
2. Uh, Sambora? For one, I'm fairly certain that half the pornos on the Web are Charlie Sheen sex tapes. That guy laid more pipe than American Plumbers Union.
But Richie, despite the hair, was on the concert circuit. And those girls are fucking crazy. It's like Girls Gone Wild, but they don't have to be drugged to go down on their best friend.
Yeah, yeah, Richards did the Wild Thing, but her 15 mins should have ended there. She wasn’t even the hottest Starship Trooper. Heather might be blonde, but she’s still a first-ballot Hall of Famer.
Sheen for two reasons:
1) Bon Jovi was an overrated crapfest.
2) Anyone who wears addiction and a penchant for hookers as a badge of honor should be celebrated.
I think if I were purchasing a sex tape, it'd go with Locklear. I think her sex tape could sustain multiple viewings. A Denise Richards tape would be a great rental.
Sheen. Bon Jovi still is an overrated crapfest. And there are already enough mulleted sex tapes out there.
The unrated cut of "Wild Things" is out on DVD. Punch it in!
I wanna put Heather on my johnson and start spinning her around like a goddamn pinwheel
1. I'll take Denise, because a) a series of videos exists somewhere, and it is our duty as true aficionados of fine cinema to bribe Charlie with some crank and a trannie to get him to release them, and b) can you imagine what that sick fuck made her do?
2. Sheen. See 1 a,b.
Ok, let me break into this guy party here...I'm going with Heather because anyone who will take up with David Spade after a breakup doesn't give a shit what people think and will do anything. Potentially interesting
viewing right there.
Since I have a soft spot for hopeless addicts, I'll have to go with Charlie.
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