Sex Tape Derby: Birds Do It, Bees Do It, Let's Sue It

Colin Farrell wants to protect his good name. Seriously: His good name. No smirking.

The actor with the Groucho mustaches pasted above his eyes is suing his ex-girlfriend, Nicole Narain, for plotting to sell a hardcore sex tape the two of them made a few years back.

"The suit claims the woman has worked with the owner of an Internet pornography business and has contacted the news media about the tape," AP reports. "The lawsuit said release of the 15-minute videotape would irreparably harm Farrell's reputation and career."

OK, let's assume for a second that Colin Farrell has a reputation to speak of.

Is he that bad of a lay that the videotape would "irreparably harm" him?

Hey, Colin, next time try thinking of baseball or dead cats.