Thursday, December 01, 2005

Sex Tape Derby, Round 35

Howdy, fight fans. Today marks another Sex Tape Derby. The premise is seductively simple: If you were to have to view a video of the physical act of lovemaking (I know, I know, perish the idea!), whom would you rather be the star of the aforementioned sexcapades?

Post your selections in the comments section below, or click here for a more detailed explanation of the humble origins of STD (that being "Sex Tape Derby" and not a terse reference to a particular hotel chain heiress).

Incidentally, today marks what will no longer be a weekly Sex Tape Derby. I'll try to post these every other Thursday, but an impending bout of parenthood is likely to chip away considerably at such salaciously sweetened pursuits.

1. Prosecute this: Patrick Fitzgerald or Ken Starr?

2. Alanis Morrisette or Fiona Apple?

3. Right-wing, mustachioed and horny: Michael Medved or John Stossel?

4. Helena Bonham Carter or Rachel Weisz?

5. Denzel Washington or George Washington?

6. Animated FOXes: Marge Simpson or Lois Griffin?


At 8:26 AM, Anonymous Moe Szyslak said...

When you choose parenting over hypothetical celebrity porn, the terrorists have already won.

Lois has a tight bod, likes to be spanked (HIT ME, PETER!), relishes a good cat fight, has an exhibitionist fetish, and is intimately familiar w/ Gene Simmons’ tongue.

Marge is okay, but not Springfield’s best offering. A Krabappel tape would probably be so filthy and perverse that it would be available only on the black market in Bangkok.

But if I’m looking for some toon tail, I’m heading to Arlen for some Nancy/Luanne action. “Mmmm, that’s the spot, Sug.”

At 1:03 PM, Blogger Dr. Pants said...

1. Considering a Starr sex tape would just be a film of him jacking off over pictures of Bill and Monica, I'll go Fitz.

2. Have you seen the video for "Criminal"? That with penetration is why Fiona wins.

3. Stossel, I guess. But only because it will be in the dark, missionary and last about two seconds before he starts crying.

4. Weisz is hotter, but Carter knows sexy. As long as the co-star is Tyler Durden, this one's a winner.

5. On those cold Valley Forge nights, you know George would have dropped those wooden teeth in a bowl of Ye Olde Efferdent and gone to town on Marsha. So, unless it's Denzel and Eva Mendes, I go with George.

6. Lois is nasty. Good nasty. I don't blame Brian for smacking her ass or even think less of her for doing The J. Geils Band. At least it wasn't REO Speedwagon.

(But forget the Luann/Nancy coupling from KotH, give me Lila and Amy from "Futurama" anyday. In the words of Fry: I did do the nasty in the past-y.)


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