Monday, December 05, 2005

To Science -- Cheers!

By Conrad Spencer

It's like Christmas come early to learn that a habit previously thought to be unhealthy may have its benefits.

Tens of millions of Americans who, like me, start the day drinking too much coffee and end the day guzzling too much beer, wine and/or liquor will be thrilled to learn that coffee may significantly lessen the chances of liver damage. In fact, java junkies may develop chronic liver disease at half the rate of the decaffeinated.

There's nothing quite like learning that two of your vices cancel each other out. As the holidays are upon us, don't forget to raise a glass in honor of those scientists whose hard work and studious research we misuse to justify our bad habits.

Now, if only someone will prove that opiates stave off lung cancer.

5 Comments:

At 4:18 PM, Anonymous Id said...

yeah, that report very welcome news. i can't wait for the following up: "Seven Sins Actually Beneficial."

 
At 12:59 PM, Anonymous turtle said...

I remember reading in High Times about 15 years ago about how smoking cannabis loosens lung phlegm caused from cigarrette smoking allowing it to be expelled easier through coughing. (Kinda like the old SNL bit about the "lung brush.") Hippie propaganda, but that would be MY dream come true if smoking pot actually cancelled out smoking cigarettes.

 
At 6:34 PM, Anonymous drew said...

Here's to hoping excessive masturbation CURES blindness!

 
At 3:04 PM, Anonymous Judge Reinhold said...

AND hair on your palms

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger Conrad Spencer said...

Hey, any exercise is good exercise, and they say the best way to stick to an exercise regimen is to do something you enjoy.

 

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