Thursday, March 02, 2006

Sex Tape Derby, Round 42

Happy Thursday, guys and gals, and welcome to another installment of Sex Tape Derby. The premise is easy enough, provided you have a libido and a functional knowledge of home entertainment technology. Let's say you must watch people "getting it on," as they used to say in the Sixties. Which of the following would you rather watch? Post your selections in the comments section below. For a fuller explanation of STD (Sex Tape Derby) and the pivotal role it played in a free Iraq, click here.

Would-be "American Idol" Becky O'Donohue or ...

Would-be "American Idol" Katharine McPhee?

Tough Clive Owen or ...

Debonair George Clooney?


At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Doc Pants said...

1. Becky looks better. And since I don't watch American Idol, that's all I'm going be able to go on.

Plus, doesn't Nanny McPhee look a little washed the fuck out there? It is a TV show, right? Makeup!

2. Well, let's see. Clooney can pull better tail, no doubt, because -- well, he's fucking George Clooney. I would do him and I'm only a quarter bi on my dad's side. Even Brick would take a shot in the mouth from this guy.

But Clive, infinitely scarier, can probably still get some good looking birds and you KNOW the sex is going to be crazy rough. Broken walls rough.

At 11:02 AM, Anonymous Simon what'shisface said...

Chase, I didn't realize your reality TV addiction extended to A.Idol. My condolences.

Actually, I'm surprised MTV hasn't combined Real World w/ A.Idol. A national shank-off is a reality show I can get behind. Pun intended.

I'll second Doc's comments on the chicks.

I think we've already been over this, but I'd really like to see the X-rated version of the hotel scene from "Out of Sight."

At 12:29 PM, Anonymous Brick Fuchwahl said...

1. My argument on behalf of Katherine McPhee goes to basic economics. Now, just look at Becky O'Donohue. Okay, now stop masturbating.

Notice something? Well, O'Donohue looks like she has a sex tape floating around out there. Maybe a few. Hundred. Now, check out this URL:

Not only is there probably a few sex tapes of Becky O'Donohue, one of them probably co-stars her sister! Holy Hotel New Hampshire, motherfuckers! Sex tapes with the Becky O'Donohues of the world are a dime a dozen -- I could probably obtain one right now on Kazaa.

Now, Doc Panties might think Katherine looks "washed the fuck out," but in my gutter mind, her skin is creamy, milkmaid perfection.

But that's beside the point: People who look like Katherine McPhee don't do sex tapes. They just don't. I mean, she doesn't even have any visible tattoos, and I'd bet my retirement account on O'Donohue having some kind of Harley-Davidson wingy thing right above her ass crack.

So, a Katherine McPhee sex tape would likely not exist, but if it did, it would be one of a kind -- you could found a multinational financial company based on its rarefied existence.

Katherine McPhee would be the DeBeers of sex tape stars -- diamonds are only valuable because you can't dig one up in your own backyard. Becky O'Donohue is like silver after the Hunts dumped all their sterling assets on the market a couple of decades ago -- you can buy cheap-ass silver rings at any Medieval Fair for under 10 bucks.

2. Geez, it's the guys again. I'll go with Clooney and raise Simon W. on the "Out of Sight" scene. Soderbergh made one of the most erotic sex scenes of the past 10 years, and didn't even show worthwhile skin. There's got to be something worth an Uncut DVD lying around in Steven's vault somewhere.

At 3:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all, there's something wrong with that Brick Fuchwahl.

1. I like the whore looking one. The milkmaid looks like a skank trying not to look like a skank. At least the ho owns it.

2. Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive Clive C live c it live c me do it with clive live yes oh yes oh yes

At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Bricky Fuchwahl Jr. said...

What I'd be interested in are the relative properties of skank versus milkmaid. Can does "a skank trying not to look like a skank" and a milkmaid trying to, er, "skank-up" somehow meet in the middle. And if so, can we watch?


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