Welcome to Springfield
By Conrad Spencer
Ever wonder whether you're more an Apu or a Mr. Smithers? Ever cringed at the similarities between you and Comic Book Guy? At long last, we have the definitive 5-question test that will, once and for all, identify which Simpsons character you are.
I am Barney:
"You could have been an intellectual leader...Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer. You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps. Your life philosophy: 'There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem.'"
If you don't like your Simpsons character, you can always see which alcoholic drink you are (beer) or how Machiavellian you are (somewhat).
Eventually, everyone will find the personality test that will tell them tell them what they want to hear.