Time Is on My Side

I am humbled and honored to be named Time magazine's Person of the Year.

It's about time a national publication recognize me for all that I do. It's been a long year -- changing diapers (not my own, in case you were wondering), watching television, eating badly, sleeping at the workplace and whatnot. Thank you for paying attention, Time. Henry Luce would be proud.

But let's be clear about one thing: If this recognition isn't accompanied by some sort of monetary reward, or at least an invite to a fancypants media-elite party with stuffed mushroom appetizers and meatballs on toothpicks and an open bar and starlets without panties, well, then -- screw you, Time magazine.