Sex Tape Derby, Round 3
For the rather simple instructions of this mind-expanding quiz, click here. Otherwise, I think you folks know the drill ...
1. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos or Denise Richards?
2. Owen Wilson or Ben Stiller?
3. Barbarella-era Jane Fonda or modern-day Susan Sarandon?
4. Sammy Sosa or Barry Bonds?
5. NBC's Campbell Brown or Norah O'Donnell?
6. Antonin Scalia or Clarence Thomas?
posted by Chase McInerney @ 7:31 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Sex Tape Showdown is my new favorite Chase Cut, just so you know.
1. I'd go Denise, just because her sex tape is more likely to have Charlie Sheen in it than "Uncle Jesse"
2. Owen, but only because I don't think I could get Stiller's character from "Mystery Men" out of my head
3. Jane, even though it would likely be with members of the Viet Cong
4. Barry, because I've always wondered what his boyfriend looks like
5. Campbell. Yowza!
6. Not that I'm a particular fan of either, but I guess Clarence. A sex scandal could only do him good at this point.
1. When I was in high school, my best friend and I went to an auto show just to see John Stamos. By the time we arrived -- courtesy of my friend's brother, who only spoke Serbian -- Stamos's gig (taking photos with girls) was almost over...and the line of panting ponytails wrapped around the inside of the buidling. Undaunted, my friend and I dropped to our knees and crawled to the front. We were the last ones to make it on stage before he left. I can still taste the cornsilk powder on his soft and silky cheek. Yummy. So Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, since she got closer than I did.
2. Owen Wilson because I think Ben Stiller is still fighting demons over being an ugly kid (he compensates with humor and muscle tone).
3. Barbarella Jane because she showed that big breasts are and always will be cool, no matter how twiggy the magazines say women should be.
4. Ew. Sammy Sosa because Barry Bonds corks his bat...wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
5. Campbell Brown. She's smart and she makes it all seem so easy.
6. I see tag-team action. Clarence giving it to Scalia from behind while drinking a diet Coke.
Barbarella WAS a sex tape, wasn't it? It sure was for me.
And really, Barbarella vs Sarandon isn't fair... Did Susan even make a movie before she turned 50? How about Barbarella Jane vs Viva Las Vegas Ann Margaret? Now THAT's a Would Ya. And for the record, I can't decide. I'm gonna need to see them both again. Right now.
Campbell wins EASILY. But you didn't pick the right O'Donnell. Isn't Kelly the red-head? BAY-BE. She sat in the front row during the war debriefings, and I always suspected she was getting hit on by that dill-hole who always set next to her. God, I hated him.
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