Friday, June 24, 2005

Cruise-ing for a bruising

When we talk about "A-list" actors these days, the "A" seems to increasingly stand for "asshole." It is no longer enough to pull down $20 million + points on the gross, but now these copiously compensated cretins insist that their extreme and media-disseminated religious ideas are the way, the truth and the life. Whether it's the notion that Christ is a Schwarzeneggerian avenger against Jews or that your depression is the result of an evil intergalactic despot named Xenu planting spirits in Earth's volcanoes 75 million years ago, celebrities are going batshit with their beliefs and foisting them upon us.

This morning on Today, CTTC's most despised straitjacket candidate, Tom Cruise, wanted to talk about his conquest of new Dianetics adherent Katie Holmes and possibly ruin some furniture. But host Matt Lauer decided to call him on a his recent barking-mad criticisms of Brooke Shields, who wrote about her post-partum depression in a recent book, Down Came the Rain.


"'Cruise got very serious and kept saying “Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt” every time Lauer said he knew people who were helped by anti-depressants. Shields took them for her post-partum depression. As a Scientologist, Cruise doesn’t believe in those kinds of drugs or therapy of any kind. At one point Cruise told Lauer, “You’re glib” and said Lauer didn’t know what he was talking about. The star launched into a detailed discussion of the use of the prescription drug Ritalin.

"'It's very impressive to listen to you,' Lauer replied, 'because clearly, you've done the homework. And you know the subject.'
'And you should,' Cruise retorted. He also told Lauer, 'You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do.'"

Cruise is right about one thing: Lauer is glib, and he does often have arguments with his interview subjects rather than simply asking questions. But, Cruise was flying the freak flag this morning. When Lauer mentioned that he had known several people who had been helped by anti-depressants, Cruise accused Lauer of endorsing Ritalin.

You know where this is going: "Why does Matt Lauer hate America?"

More from MSNBC:

"Lauer asked Cruise how he could get more people to understand Scientology, the controversial religion practiced by Cruise and other celebrities like John Travolta.
"'You just communicate about it,' Cruise said. 'If I want to know something, I go and find out. Because I don't talk about things that I don't understand.'"

To wit, here are things that Cruise understands:

"College women can smell ignorance... like dog shit." Risky Business, 1983

"I'm Jack O' the Green!" Legend, 1985

"If you think, you're dead." Top Gun, 1986

"The waitresses hate me!" Cocktail, 1988

"Underwear is underwear." Rain Man, 1988

"Penis! Penis! Big fucking erect penis!" Born On the Fourth of July, 1989

"I know nothing of books or alphabets or sun or moon." Far and Away, 1992

"It doesn't matter what I believe." A Few Good Men, 1992

"It's not sexy, but it's got teeth!" The Firm, 1993

"The dark gift is different for each of us." Interview With a Vampire, 1994

"This is the Mount Everest of hacks." Mission: Impossible, 1996

"I'm not gonna do what you all think I'm gonna do, which is, you know, flip out!" Jerry Maguire, 1996

"In this life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve - it's what you take." Magnolia, 1999

"Even in my dreams, I'm an idiot who knows he's about to wake up to reality." Vanilla Sky, 2001

"I have to find out what happened to my life." Minority Report, 2002

"I am not Japanese." The Last Samurai, 2003

"I am a cool guy." Collateral, 2004


At 7:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's my fault. I go to the movies all the time, and people like Tom Cruise get more money for a day's work than than the annual income for over 95% of the people in the United States. These celebrities then encounter adoration and compliments wherever and whenever they show their faces in public. They propose at the Eifel Tower to young women whose early ambition, as young girls, was to marry them. And then word of such "news" gets broadcast around the world. From such attention and constant praise,these stars begin to think that they really are smarter, more insightful, more articulate, and better human beings than the rest of us. The result: Tom Cruise is an idiotic jerk, but I will undoubtedly be there for opening weekend of War of the Worlds. [Sigh].

At 7:25 PM, Blogger Brit said...

You forgot "Respect the cock! Taaaame the cunt."
Highly appropriate in this case, I think.


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