Don't Bogart That Bible, My Friend

This gem comes from the Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise (for any non-Okies out there, Bartlesville is a town in northeast Oklahoma). In a world already brimming with creative excuses, a special shout-out goes to Jon Todd Brotherton, who was handed a suspended sentence earlier this month for selling pot.

In an explanation curiously reminiscent of The Blues Brothers, the 29-year-old man had told arresting officers he was selling marijuana at the express request of the Almighty God.

The paper continues with Brotherton's confession of spreading God's weed, er, will.

"Then I heard a voice in my head say 'sell marijuana and give the money to the Concern Center.' 'I questioned whether this voice was God or not. I thought it might have been Satan or a demon. So I cast lots just as they did when they chose the twelfth disciple, and I prayed, 'God if this is you, when I flip this pen let it land north and if you want me to do it let it land south.' I flipped the pen and it landed north. So I went to sell it to a few of my friends on a regular basis over a few month period, and I donated over time approximately 85 (percent) of the money I made off the marijuana."

Brotherton's claim is ridiculous, of course.

God, as we all know, has been far too busy directing the Iraq War to worry about dope-peddling in Oklahoma.