Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Three Bags Full

By Daniel Gale-Grogen

The steady diet of livestock jokes probably started when you were a teenager, when some towel-snapping bacne sufferer in gym class made a cutting remark about the resident farm boy enjoying carnal knowledge with one of his particularly pulchritudinous lambs. Of course, he didn't put it that way -- it was all about "fucking a sheep."

Of course, nobody in class actually knew why this was funny (other than it involved having sex with animals -- a guaranteed knee-slapper) or of any actual incidents of man getting deep in the wool, but now, thanks to an Arizona fire chief, we have an actual incident that doesn't rely on folklore passed on about a shepherd back in Croatia.

As usual, The Smoking Gun has the details. Leroy Johnson, a deputy fire chief in Mesa, Arizona, was spied on the property of one (we defecate you not) Alan Goats by Mr. Goats' teenage daughter Fawnda (okay, we defecate you on that one), dragging one of the farmer's sheep into the family barn.

So when the 52-year-old man was confronted about his animal instincts, the apparently drunk Johnson replied with an early front-runner for Best Quote of 2006:

"You caught me Alan, I tried to fuck your sheep."

Wow, CTTC has always stood by the cliched notion that honesty is the best policy, but Chief Johnson, that was damned refreshing. Now, Silkwood-style decontamination and a short-term memory-damaging blow to the head sounds really good right now.