Scissors Beat Paper ...

At long last, "rock, paper, scissors" is getting its day in court.

Seriously. Its day in court. A federal judge in Florida, irritated by the inability of both sides in a lawsuit to reach consensus on anything, has ordered both parties to resolve the most recent dispute by playing a round of the venerable game.

AP reports:

"U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded both sides and ordered them to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30 to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can't agree on the neutral location, he said, they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse.

"The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.

"'We're going to have to do it,' said David Pettinato, lead attorney for the plaintiff, Avista Management. 'I guess I'd better bone up on "rock, paper, scissors" rules.'"

What I find stranger than the judge's ruling is the attorney's admission that he will need to brush up on the rules. If you want to know what's wrong with the legal system, it's the mindset of someone who would actually need to revisit "rock, paper, scissors." Hell, the name of the game alone tells you what beats what.

Although while we're on that subject, I've got to say I've often been befuddled by the oh-so-convenient rule that paper beats rock. How exactly does paper neutralize a rock by covering it? What a crock.

Besides, it is common knowledge that the only thing that can beat rocks are heavily armed Israeli soldiers.