The Sea Lion King

If birds, apes and even stingrays can rise up against mankind, then why not sea lions?

As AP recently pointed out, the creatures have been responsible for a recent spate of attacks along the California coastline:

"In the most frightening of the recent episodes, a single rogue sea lion bit 14 swimmers this month and chased 10 more out of the water at San Francisco's Aquatic Park, a sheltered lagoon that adjoins the bay. At least one victim suffered multiple puncture wounds.

"In Southern California in June, a sea lion charged several people on Manhattan Beach, then bit a man before waddling into the water and swimming away. And in Berkeley, a woman was hospitalized in the spring after a sea lion took a chunk out of her leg."

I can't help but wonder if this is the sort of thing that woolly mammoths or saber-toothed tigers said to each other (in their cute animalistic language, of course) in the Pleistocene Age about those newfangled human beings: You know, beasts making mental notes to themselves how these ex-apes, ever since walking erect, were starting to get a bit more aggressive, a bit more standoffish, a bit more cocky with their clubs and opposable thumbs and whatnot.

And then look what happened; we went and conquered the planet.

Hundreds of years from now, will this rash of attacks be remembered as the inchoate stages of the sea-lion revolution? Is it time to take preemptive measures?

Just a thought.

He's Got No Problem with the Colored Folks ...

Note to self: If ever apologizing for a racist rant, try not to be contrite by using terms deemed politically incorrect about 30 years ago.












Hmm. We guess this explains the famous lost "Seinfeld" episode where Kramer and Newman end up in that wacky minstrel show.

And speaking of "Seinfeld," check out this.

Dear FOX ...

Dear Mr. Rupert Murdoch,

Amid the hand-wringing and outrage over the woulda-been, coulda-been O.J. Simpson interview on FOX, "If I Did It," let me be honest and say upfront: I'm sorry your network lost its nerve and scrapped the program.

I, for one, was very intrigued to know how the Juice would have murdered his ex-wife and her friend ... had he actually been the culprit.

Something tells me he would've been far too clever to leave a bloody glove at the crime scene. The O.J. Simpson I know, the legendary USC running back and even more legendary co-star of Capricorn One, would've dispatched his victims with decidedly more verve and panache.

There wouldn't have been any almost severing of the head with O.J. The man did everything to the hilt.

Shame on you, Rupert Murdoch. If anyone in the news media had the cojones to buck the timid voices of decency and good taste, it was you, sir.

This is not the FOX I know, the FOX of Bill O'Reilly and Neil Cavuto and Freddy Krueger. You've let us down. You've let us all down.

Thankfully, FOX is still full-steam ahead with its upcoming exclusive interview with George W. Bush, "If I Had Fucked Up the War on Terrorism ..."

Friday Random 10

Today's iPod shuffle is dedicated to compose Burt Bacharach, crappy Eighties songs I still have and, of course, our brave men and women of the armed forces.

1. Los Lobos, "Will the Wolf Survive?"
2. Tom Jones, "I'll Never Fall in Love Again"
3. Cake, "Meanwhile, Rick James ..."
4. Bruce Springsteen, "Backsteets"
5. Blind Melon, "No Rain"
6. The Stranglers, "Walk on By"
7. The Traveling Wilburys, "Handle with Care"
8. Toad the Wet Sprocket, "Good Intentions"
9. Don Henley, "All She Wants to Do Is Dance"
10. The Dead Kennedys, "Holiday in Cambodia"

"As God Is My Witness, I'll Never Be [Insert Euphemism Here]"

Actions speak loud than words. Yeah, in fairy tales, maybe. In the lumbering machinations of federal bureaucracy, however, words are important enough to warrant constant Orwellian tinkering.

The latest examples comes from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, which has determined that "hungry" is no longer an appropriate term to describe the 12 percent of Americans who go, umm ... without food at night. As the Washington Post reports, "the USDA has determined 'very low food security' to be a more scientifically palatable description for that group."

Nice (and typical) work from a White House administration that never ceases to amaze at its ability to shove its thumb up its, umm ... collective rectal hidey-hole.

Sex Tape Derby, Round 78

It's another installment of Sex Tape Derby, where you make the call. It's the choice of Solomon: You must view a homemade sex tape of celebrities in various stages of doing it the way they do it on the Discovery Channel. Who would be your choice to spread their wings and learn to, er, fly?

Post your selections in the comments section below.

CMA smackdown: Carrie Underwood or ...














Faith Hill?














Hip-hop hubba hubba: Ludacris or ...














Kanye West?

The Math

By Daniel Gale-Grogan

"I'm looking at 68 polls a week, You may be looking at four or five public polls a week that talk about attitudes nationally, but that do not impact the outcome. I'm looking at all of these, Robert, and adding them up, and they add up to a Republican Senate and a Republican House. You may end up with a different math, but you're entitled to your math. I'm entitled to the math."
-- Karl Rove, speaking to NPR's Robert Siegel about the certainty of a Republican victory.










Click here.

Friday Random 10

Hey, kids, here's something to dig -- it's the iPod shuffle!

1. The Neville Brothers, "Voo Doo"
2. Little Milton, "Lonely No More"
3. Weezer, "Slave"
4. The Jam, "Strange Town"
5. The Fruit Bats, "This Little Acorn"
6. King Missile, "(Why Are We) Trapped?"
7. Elvis Costello, "Fish 'n' Chip Paper"
8. The Velvet Underground, "After Hours"
9. Bongwater, "The Power of Pussy"
10. Lone Justice, "After the Flood"

Sex Tape Derby, Round 77

You are stuck in the Hatch with nothing to do except plug those damn numbers into the computer, and suddenly you see two videotapes with the Dharma logo on them, except they don't provide clues as to the devious plans of the Hanso Foundation or the Others -- they're sex tapes! Which do you watch?

"Lost" girls: Evangeline Lilly or...












Yunjin Kim?















"Heroes" heroes: Milo Ventimiglia or...















Adrian Pasdar?

Three Wishes

OK, let's recap.

The Democrats regain control of the House.

The Democrats might be taking control of the Senate.

Donald Rumsfeld steps down.











What wonderful miracle is next? An all-Nicole Kidman TV network? Money and cheeseburgers raining down from the heavens? Monkeys will wash my car?

Friday Random 10

For the life of me, I don't ever remember downloading the Stills.

1. The Stills, "Helicopters"
2. Bloc Party, "Plans"
3. Green Day, "She"
4. Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Susie-Q"
5. Barbara George, "I Know You Don't Love Me No More"
6. The Shins, "Those to Come"
7. Johnny Cash, "Hey Porter"
8. Ben Folds, "Jesusland"
9. The Fabulous Thunderbirds, ""You Can't Judge a Book by Its Cover"
10. Cracker, "Don't Fuck Me Up (with Peace and Love)"

Sex Tape Derby, Round 76

Sex Tape Derby is making a late-ish appearance this Thursday, but you can blame the good folks of Blogger for that. Anyway, better late than never, my grandpappy used to say.

Let's say you've gotta watch a homemade sex video, or DVD, if you will. Who would be your preference for the starring role? Post your selections in the comments section below.

Cate Blanchett or ...














Vera Farmiga?














Ryan Philippe or ...














Paul Walker?

Surly Go Bye-Bye

It is with a heavy heart that we at Cutting to the Chase bid goodbye to an erstwhile contributor, Surly. Apparently, booze, golf and misogyny leave a limited amount of time to blog.

Nevertheless, Surly, know that you are always welcome to knock around these parts and comment as you see fit.