Friday, September 29, 2006

Slapped by "The Daily Show"

"The Daily Show"'s Jason Jones skewered Cleveland TV investigative reporter Carl Monday over a recent six-part series -- six parts! -- concerning a kid who masturbated while looking at computer porn at a public library (at the Comedy Central site, click on the "Rubbing Out Crime" videos).

The piece isn't as funny as it is sweet justice -- and a warranted bitch slap at TV news' penchant for ambushing, and beating up on, the sad and pathetic. Is there something wrong with someone yanking it in a public place? You betcha. Was the incident worth a story and five followups? Is this extent of public humiliation really that fun or rewarding for a TV reporter? Are there not more pressing investigative stories to be told in the naked city? Is Carl Monday as much a tool as he appears?

Raw footage of Jones haranguing Monday, however, is a bit like watching sausage being made. Jones is a complete smirking asshole. The only saving grace, as far as I can make out, is that it's karmic payback

Quote of the Day

"You're the only ones who obsess on that. We don't and the real people out in the real world don't for the most part."

-- U.S. Sen. Trent Lott, Mississippi Republican, explaining to reporters why President Bush and Senate Republicans did not discuss the Iraq War during a Thursday caucus meeting

Friday Random 10

Friday. Thank God it's Friday. Friday. Friday. Thank God it's Friday. Take me away, iPod:

1. Moby, "Everytime You Touch Me"
2. The Byrds, "Mr. Tambourine Man"
3. John Wesley Harding, "The Person You Are"
4. Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, "Dial Up"
5. Mickey & the Milkshakes, "Please Don't Tell My Baby"
6. Elvis Presley, "You'll Never Walk Alone"
7. Morrissey, "The Father Who Must Be Killed"
8. The Yardbirds, "I Wish You Would"
9. Rick Derringer, "Rock & Roll, Hoochie Koo"
10. Wheatus, "The London Sun"

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Screech Tape Derby

Speaking as someone who would most definitely not want to see himself having sex, I am continually baffled that so many celebrities evidently love watching themselves fornicate.

The latest to join the fray? None other than "Saved by the Bell"'s Screech.

Zap2It.com reports that Dustin Diamond, who played Screech on that God-awful series, is one perverted dude:

"Entertainment agent David Hans Schmidt acquired the rights to the video, which features Diamond in a menage a trois with two women. Although most of the raunchy details have been kept under wraps, word is that some 'bodily functions' and the 'Dirty Sanchez' are featured acts in the sex romp.

"'Just when you think you have seen everything in this business,' says Schmidt, 'mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it.'"

Let me be on the record right now: The day we learn that Steve Urkel has leaked a sex tape is the day I gouge my eyes out.

Sex Tape Derby, Round 71

Ahh, fall is in the air and it's Sex Tape Derby day. All is right with the world.

OK, enough wonderment. You know the drill: Let's say you absolutely, unequivocally must watch a hardcore homemade sex tape or DVD. Who would be your choice to swing from the rafters? Post your selections in the comments section below.


Right-wing pundit Michelle Malkin or ...















Right-wing pundit Laura Ingraham?














Hugh Jackman or ...















Russell Crowe?

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Take THAT, You New Yawk Elites!

A few months ago, Cassandra mentioned on this here blog about The New Yorker's ongoing contest urging readers to send in their suggested captions to those fancypants cartoons of which the magazine is so proud.

Well, Radosh.net has a damned irresistible contest going on -- to find the worst possible caption for the New Yorker's cartoon contests. Check it out.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Sen. George Allen Finally Finds a Jew He Can Get Behind ...

Mammy! Mammy! Is it true?











UPDATE: Dear anonymous, click here for the subtext

Blog This

The Okie Blog Awards were announced this past weekend at the first annual Okie Bloggers Roundup. Sadly, I was unable to attend the gathering; such are the travails of having a baby and a bitch of a methadone addiction.

Even more sadly, I have to bid adieu to the 2005 Best Overall Blog honors. This year's award went to the richly deserving Charles Hill of Dustbury fame. The guy is amazing. Having been blogging for less than two years, I can say without hesitation that this isn't always as easy as it looks. Sure, this is chiefly for fun -- but it can swiftly turn into a beast that must be fed. That Charles Hill still manages to crank out consistently entertaining and interesting blog posts is ... well, it's kinda scary. He's a machine. Maybe a cyborg, even.

Congratulations to all the winners (and to all the nominees, for that matter).

And while I'm on the subject, kudos to all Oklahoma bloggers, and thank you for the diversity of voices, the enthusiasm, the passion and (for the most part) civility. A special shout-out to my personal faves, from the can-do-it-all bloggers like Dustbury and Okiedoke to the solid political rants of Okie Funk, Existential Ramble and Left End of the Dial. For a laugh or groan, I dig Doc Pants, The Daily Bitch, Agent Bedhead and Lip Schtick. And then there are just the unique and wonderful windows into some amazing lives -- 3:40 a.m., AuntT and Brit. Oh, and there are even the right-wingers I always enjoy reading, such as Fits & Starts, Sean Gleeson and BatesLine.

The skeptics and wags in the mainstream media might continue to stick their heads in the proverbial sand, but the democratizing effects of the blogosphere have gargantuan ramifications that have yet to shake out.

Thanks, y'all.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Friday Random 10

iPod, a-two, a-three ...

1. Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Down on the Corner"
2. The Flamin' Groovies, "I Can't Hide"
3. English Beat, "Can't Get Used to Losing You"
4. The Fuzztones, "Strychnine"
5. Metallica, "The Unforgiven"
6. Ministry, "Jesus Built My Hotrod"
7. The Lemonheads, "Different Drum"
8. The Killers, "Mr. Brightside"
9. Joe Jackson, "What's the Use of Getting Sober (When You're Gonna Get Drunk Again)?"
10. Golden Smog, "I Can't Keep from Talking"

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Hugo's Book Club

In addition to calling Dumbya Satan and complaining that he stank the place up, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez took advantage of his United Nations appearance yesterday to do some book-peddling. The New York Times explains:

"He brandished a copy of Noam Chomsk's Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance and recommended it to members of the General Assembly to read. Later, he told a news conference that one of his greatest regrets was not getting to meet Mr. Chomsky before he died. (Mr. Chomsky, 77, is still alive.)

[...]

"He suggested that Americans read Mr. Chomsky's book instead of spending all their time 'watching Superman and Batman' movies."


Maybe Chavez doesn't understand the appeal of the Superman and Batman movie franchises. Something tells me he's mixing apples and oranges here.

Sex Tape Derby, Round 70

Happy Thursday, sports fans. It's Sex Tape Derby day, as you know. So here's the question: If the fate of the free world hinges on your visual consumption of a homemade sex video, who would you rather see boom-boom? Post your selections in the comments section below.

Talladega Night's Leslie Bibb or ...














The Black Dahlia's Mia Kirshner?














Stephen Colbert or ...











Keith Olbermann?

Pony Tail

A friend of mine has been obsessed for several weeks now with some disconcerting images she witnessed on a show on the WE Network, "The Secret Lives of Women." As I am not personally familiar with the show (having a penis, I don't really care about the inner thoughts of women), I only have the friend's play-by-play, but evidently the episode she saw dealt with fetishes. Specifically, it focused on the fetish of couples who like to play pony.


As I understand it, the kink goes like this: a person will dress up in leather pony garb (sometimes even including a horse's head) and trot around while the other half of the couple rides, or otherwise "cares for," the humanimal. According to the interviewees on the TV show, the horseplay can -- but doesn't always -- result in sex. In other words, sometimes you pony up and sometimes you don't.

All this begs a question. We won't ponder the sexual peccadilloes of people who dig such role-playing; we all know it takes diff'rent strokes to make up that magical and mysterious world of sex.

But riddle me this: Prior to the advent of the Internet, how did one pony enthusiast hook up with a like-minded partner? Surely, it can't come up that much in casual conversation.

"I'm really glad Jim and Sarah thought we should meet. I feel like I can really be myself around you."

"Yeah, I'm so glad you're also into roller-blading and Indian food."

"I know!"

"Hey, I'm just thinking out loud here but you ever thought about humping a pony?"

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Ingrate, Thy Name is Eszterhas

Joe Eszterhas, that lovable once-upon-a-time king of criminally overpaid Hollywood screenwriters, has authored yet another poison-pen letter to the town that had the audacity to make him a multimillionaire for writing timeless classics like Showgirls, Flashdance and Basic Instinct -- three movies where, as you know, the writing was everything.

The new tell-all is the aptly title The Devil's Guide to Hollywood. In The New York Times Review of Books, reviewer Joe Queenan nicely summarizes the career of the scribe:

"Mild-mannered screenwriter Joe Eszterhas ... is the sort of foot-shuffling country bumpkin who arrives in Los Angeles from the hinterland one day with his head full of dreams, only to find out that beneath Tinseltown's wholesome surface swarms a nest of vipers. Worse, this 'refugee street kid from the West Side of Cleveland' soon learns that producers and directors despise maverick, outsider, rebel, free-spirit, street kid wordsmiths like him, because screenwriters can write dialogue that sounds like it might be uttered by a welder who wants to be a ballerina (Flashdance), whereas producers and directors are 'morons.' What's more, screenwriters can write a mystery that hinges on a missing typewriter (Jagged Edge), then write a mystery hinging on a missing photograph (Music Box), and then write a mystery hinging on a missing ice pick (Basic Instinct), and have the gall to demand payment three times for the same idea."

Friday, September 15, 2006

Lips-Locked

I've warbled at length about my 20-odd-year love for Oklahoma's own Flaming Lips. My, oh my, but the boys have come a long way since I saw them around '87 playing at the OU Student Union, where they rumbled through "Everything's Explodin'" while an an overhead projector displayed psychedelic blotches against the wall behind them.

Tonight the Lips return to their hometown after a four-year absence (woo hoo!), bringing with them their own special brand of hallucinogenic childlike whimsy.



"Do You Realize
That you have the most beautiful face?
Do You Realize
We're floating in space?
Do You Realize
That happiness makes you cry?
Do You Realize
That everyone you know someday will die



"And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round"


Oh, and thanks to the Oklahoman's entertainment editor George Lang for the shout-out in today's paper (although a link would've been icing on the cake).

Friday Random 10

In honor of the Flaming Lips taking the stage in their hometown tonight, I'd like to say that some Lips popped up on this installment of the ol' iPod shuffle, but I'd be lying. So without further adieu ...

1. Pianosaurus, "Sun Will Follow"
2. The Jimi Hendrix Experience, "Third Stone from the Sun"
3. The Cramps, "Saddle Up a Buzz Buzz"
4. Professor Longhair, "Tipitina"
5. Bruce Springsteen, "Streets of Fire"
6. The Rolling Stones, "Respectable"
7. Cracker, "Riverside"
8. New Order, "True Faith (1994)"
9. Brian Wilson & Van Dyke Parks, "San Francisco"
10. son, ambulance, "Brown Park"

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The Perfect Family Man

My dad turns 83 today. I'd like to say he was in his 60s when he knocked up my mom, but alas, such is not the case.

It's probably been more than 100 years since the term "Southern gentleman" wasn't met with Yankee sneers and visions of George Wallace, burning crosses and shrill Neil Young songs. But I can proudly say that my father, a born-and-bred Mississippian with a heart as big as the Delta, is a Southern gentleman in the truest sense of the term. He is southern, he is gentle and he is a man.

I grew up thinking he was the perfect family man. In a family with the sort of dysfunctional familial politics that could give the Corleones a run for their money, my dad was a rare voice of calm -- or so I thought at the time. The older I got, the more I gradually came to realize he was a chronic worrier who carried on his shoulders the hefty burden of being the provider for his big, unwieldy family. Such pressures would give him bouts of insomnia and he popped Excedrin like Tic Tacs, but he always did his best to put up a good front for his kids.

He hated the worries to which he'd become addicted, but he loved -- loved -- his family. Blessed with a sonorous Foghorn Leghorn voice and a gift for self-effacing humor, my dad brags on his children almost to the point of it being pathological. Once I even received a letter from a complete stranger telling me how I was lucky to have such a proud pop. It turned out my dad had struck up a conversation with the guy while waiting for a pay phone at a shopping mall.

Nowadays he doesn't worry nearly so much. He retired long ago, the children are all grown and his health (aside from the inevitable hiccups of age) is good.

And on this birthday, I want to brag on him just a bit: After all this time, he's still the perfect family man.

Sex Tape Derby, Round 69

Welcome to a banner edition of Sex Tape Derby. That's right, make this Round 69 for the blog franchise that The New Republic's Peter Beinart calls a "unique window into the collective libido of a desperate and disillusioned nation."

Here's the deal for those who might not be familiar with the setup: Let's say you absolutely, positively must view a homemade sex videotape or DVD. Who would be your paramour of choice? Post your selections in the comments section below. And from all of us here at CTTC, happy Thursday and happy Round 69.

Invincible's Elizabeth Banks or ...















"The Office"'s Jenna Fischer?














Ryan Reynolds or ...














Josh Hartnett?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Sooner Pride

By Conrad Spencer

We've been discussing war and terrorism and oil a great deal lately here on CTTC, so I thought it might be time to bring up some other weighty issues facing the world today. Like inter-state rivalry and nekkid people.

The new Playboy, featuring Women of the Big 12, arrived yesterday.

Sooners pictured: 5
Longhorns: 1

For those may be interested, OSU had 3 representatives and Baylor looked to be the only unrepresented school.

A friend of mine recently moved back to Oklahoma after spending several years in Colorado, a few months in Baltimore, and lots of time traveling. He tells me there are more beautiful women in Oklahoma than anywhere else he's been. Apparently Hef agrees.

Is this a great state or what?

Monday, September 11, 2006

Resilience and Forgetfulness

On this five-year anniversary of the 9-11 attacks, there is no way I could add anything to Frank Rich's column in yesterday's New York Times, parts of which are excerpted below.

He takes his start from a rarely seen photo taken of that tragedy, a picture that Thomas Hoepker of Magnum Photos locked away for years because he thought it conveyed a wholly inappropriate insouciance.

Now, however, Hoepker worries that the complacency he captured is all too indicative of a post-9/11 nation.

Rich explains:

"Traumatic as the attack on America was, 9/11 would recede quickly for many. This is a country that likes to move on, and fast. The young people in Mr. Hoepker's photo aren't necessarily callous. They're just American. In the five years since the attacks, the ability of Americans to dust themselves off and keep going explains both what's gone right and what's gone wrong on our path to the divided and dispirited state the nation finds itself in today.

"What's gone right: the terrorists failed to break America's back. The ''new'' normal lasted about 10 minutes, except at airport check-ins. The economy, for all its dips and inequities and runaway debt, was not destroyed. The culture, for better and worse, survived intact ...

[...]

"But even as we celebrate this resilience, it too comes at a price. The companion American trait to resilience is forgetfulness. What we've forgotten too quickly is the outpouring of affection and unity that swelled against all odds in the wake of Al Qaeda's act of mass murder ...

"At the National Cathedral prayer service on Sept. 14, 2001, President Bush found just the apt phrase to describe this phenomenon: 'Today we feel what Franklin Roosevelt called "the warm courage of national unity." This is the unity of every faith and every background. It has joined together political parties in both houses of Congress.' What's more, he added, 'this unity against terror is now extending across the world.'

"The destruction of that unity, both in this nation and in the world, is as much a cause for mourning on the fifth anniversary as the attack itself. As we can't forget the dead of 9/11, we can't forget how the only good thing that came out of that horror, that unity, was smothered in its cradle.

"On the very next day after that convocation, Mr. Bush was asked ... 'how much of a sacrifice' ordinary Americans would 'be expected to make in their daily lives, in their daily routines.' His answer: 'Our hope, of course, is that they make no sacrifice whatsoever.' He, too, wanted to move on -- to 'see life return to normal in America,' as he put it -- but toward partisan goals stealthily tailored to his political allies rather than the nearly 90 percent of the country that, according to polls, was rallying around him.

"This selfish agenda was there from the very start. As we now know from many firsthand accounts, a cadre from Mr. Bush's war cabinet was already busily hyping nonexistent links between Iraq and the Qaeda attacks. The presidential press secretary, Ari Fleischer, condemned Bill Maher's irreverent comic response to 9/11 by reminding 'all Americans that they need to watch what they say, watch what they do.' Fear itself -- the fear that 'paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance,' as F.D.R. had it -- was already being wielded as a weapon against Americans by their own government. Less than a month after 9/11, the president was making good on his promise of 'no sacrifice whatsoever.'

"And so here we are five years later. Fearmongering remains unceasing. So do tax cuts. So does the war against a country that did not attack us on 9/11. We have moved on, but no one can argue that we have moved ahead."






(photos courtesy watchingtheworldchange.com)

Friday, September 08, 2006

Them Children Is Smarts

"But we also got to do some other things that's smart, and it starts with making sure our workers have the skills necessary to compete in the 21st century."
-- President George W. Bush, in a Labor Day speech in Maryland

The Day the Music Died

Brace yourselves, America:

David Spade and Heather Locklear are taking a "break" from their relationship.

People magazine reports that Heather has told a friend (evidently a friend who had People magazine on speed dial) that "it's just too soon for her to get serious."

Oh, sweet irony of life! ... As we near the five-year anniversary of 9-11, a nation loses its innocence again.

Friday Random 10

Today's random 10 is mighty random. My iPod evidently went to the Tom Cruise school of emotional consistency.

1. Don Henley, "The Boys of Summer"
2. Captain & Tennille, "Do That to Me One More Time"
3. GWAR, "The Road Behind"
4. Elvis Costello, "The Long Honeymoon"
5. The Supremes, "Where Did Our Love Go?"
6. The Carpenters, "Rainy Days and Mondays"
7. Juliana Hatfield, "Forever Baby"
8. Versus, "Crazy-Maker (I'm Still in Love with Your Eyes)"
9. The Replacements, "Careless"
10. The Supersuckers, "Born with a Tail"

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Snakes in a Basement

Tonight the wife was combing through boxes in our basement when she came across one of these monstrosities pictured here. She came across it with her sock-covered foot.

Do many people find snakes in their home? Is this part of home ownership?

About a year ago, we found a dead crawfish shriveled up by the basement drain. The basement of our home is starting to resemble the kitchen of Golden Corral.

Earlier tonight, we were watching that great old 1950s' sci-fi flick, The Incredible Shrinking Man, and I was marveling at the scene in which the aforementioned shrinking man is trapped in the hellhole of his basement, a dense jungle of giants spiders and the like. I wondered to myself what dangers our basement would pose should I, you know, shrink. Shrink incredibly, that is.

As it turns out, it would pose a lot of friggin' dangers. When Mrs. Chase stepped on the snake, she let out a scream (and understandably so) that could've awakened the dead, or at least Radiohead fans.

Oddly, though, our baby, whose nursery is directly above the basement, remained in slumber, sleeping like the baby she is.

This is really disconcerting, as we had kinda been counting on the baby to be our first line of defense in case of snakes.

Sex Tape Derby, Round 68

Sex Tape Derby is in a decidedly retro mood these days. Maybe it's the suddenly bearable autumnal weather, or maybe it's watching friends suddenly faced with the fact of their getting old, or maybe it was waxing nostalgic last week about Playboy's Playmate of November 1974, Bebe Buell. Whatever the reason, this week's STD looks at more icons of yesteryear for this imponderable. Given the prospect of having to (and I say "having to" and not "getting to" for all you upstanding church-going folk in the audience) view a homemade celebrity sex tape, who would you rather watch getting off while getting it on?

Post your selections in the comments sections below.


Old-school Faye Dunaway or ...














Old-school Katherine Ross?















Nineties-era Robert De Niro or ...














Nineties-era Al Pacino?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Good Night, and Rotsa Ruck

The reviews are in for Katie Couric's debut as anchor of the "CBS Evening News."

Alessandra Stanley of The New York Times concluded that Katie handled her inaugural nightly news broadcast "calmly and competently," but The Washington Post's Tom Shales was underwhelmed:

"Gettin' real folksy with viewers, Couric asked them to send in suggestions on how she should sign off the newscast. There was a montage of sign-offs from the past -- including Edward R. Murrow's immortal 'Good night, and good luck,' even though Murrow never anchored the evening news.

"Some people will say that including the image of Murrow on such a frothy, funsy broadcast as the Couric premiere was sacrilege, and that Murrow is spinning in his grave. In fact, if Murrow were going to spin in his grave, he would have started long ago, when 'infotainment' first appeared on the TV horizon and newscasters became pop personalities akin to movie stars and actors appearing in sitcoms. Murrow must be all spun out by now."

Don't cry too much for the sorry absurdity of TV news. It's been moribund ever since the people reading the TelePrompTer became as newsworthy as what they were reading.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I'd Like to Thank the Academy

On behalf of the modest posse that maintains this site -- Daniel, Larry, Conrad, Cassandra, Surly, Dash and myself -- thanks to all who nominated Cutting to the Chase for two 2006 Okie blog awards. There are a lot of terrific Oklahoma-based blogs, and a pretty friggin' diverse group, too, so we've gotta say that just being nominated is humbling.

If you are an Oklahoman and a blogger, you're encouraged to vote. So do it, dammit. Otherwise, the terrorists win.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Friday Random 10

To paraphrase Mr. Paul McCartney, iPodda hold your hand.

1. David Bowie, "Space Oddity"
2. Sleater-Kinney, "Jumpers"
3. Fountains of Wayne, "Hey Julie"
4. Me First & the Gimme Gimmies, "Sweet Caroline"
5. Bruce Springsteen, "Lonesome Day"
6. Whiskeytown, "The Ballad of Carol Lynn"
7. Clem Snide, "Made for TV Movie"
8. The Strokes, "Hard to Explain"
9. The Temptations, "Ain't too Proud to Beg"
10. The Rascals, "How Can I Be Sure?"